The Vanity of Beauty and of Dress.
THERE is nothing we ought so much to guard against as vanity in young ladies. They come into the world with a vehement desire to please: finding themselves excluded from those paths by which men arrive at authority and glory, they endeavour to balance that loss by all the captivating qualities of wit and person. This gives rise to their soft and insinuating turn of conversation; thence it is that they so earnestly aspire after beauty and every external grace, and are so warmly interested in dress. The fashion of a cap, the disposition of a ribbon, the form of a curl in this place or that, the choice of a colour, are to them matters of importance. This excess is carried to a greater height among us than any other people; the changebleness of our fancy occasions a perpetual revolution of mode; so that to the love of dress, that of novelty is superadded: an article that has strange effects upon such minds.
These two follies in confederacy overturn distinction of rank, and introduce licentiousness of manners. Void as we are of any regulations in dress or in furniture, there is nothing effectual left with regard to difference of conditions; for as to the tables of particulars, that is what public authority cannot easily give rules to: every one proceeds as he can afford; or rather, neglecting that consideration, as his ambition or his vanity prompts him.
It is this pride which often ruins whole families, and their ruin draws after it the corruption of manners. On one side persons of mean birth are stimulated to raise a hasty fortune: a thing not to be compassed without sin, as the Holy Ghost hath assured us.—On the other, persons of quality, bereft of all resources, stoop to the basest and most wretched methods of supporting their expence. The consequence of which is, that, by insensible degrees, honour and honesty and natural affection become extinguished even among the nearest relations. Whence is all this evil but from the power which certain vain women have acquired of regulating fashions? Whoever thinks of continuing in the gravity and simplicity of our ancient manners, are by these pointed out to be laughed at as so many antiques.
Apply yourself then to convince young women how much that reputation, which results from a just behaviour and true good sense, is more valuable than what can be attained from the pattern of a cap, or fancy of a furbelow.
Beauty, you may say, deceives the owner still more than it doth its admirers: it disturbs, it intoxicates the soul. The most passionate lover is not more an idolater of his mistress than she is of herself. A small number of years takes away the distinction between a handsome woman and another, and reduces them both to an equality. Beauty is sure to be pernicious unless it is instrumental to an advantageous match.—But how can it be so, unless supported by merit, and by virtue? When, for want of discretion and modesty, she is no object for men of correct understandings and sensible of solid qualities, whom can she hope to attract but some young fool, who will make her unhappy?
Those who found all their glory upon their beauty, in a short time become ridiculous; for, unperceived by themselves, they arrive to that time of life when its lustre decays: yet still are they charming in their own eyes, though the world is so far from being charmed with them, that they inspire nothing but disgust.
This absolute attachment to beauty alone, is just as unreasonable as to place all merit in bodily strength, as do the barbarians and uncivilized nations.
True gracefulness hath not the least dependance on a vain and affected mode of dress: yet it is not amiss to have some regard to propriety, proportion, and suitableness in our apparel, with which we necessarily cover ourselves.— But then these materials, which we must put on, and which we may render as commodious as we please, can never, under the name of ornaments, invest us with real beauty.
I would take the pains to shew young ladies the noble simplicity that appears in the statues and other figures remaining with us, of the Greek and Roman women. There they will see, that the hair tied negligently in a knot behind, the drapery full and floating in long pleats, are at the same time agreeable and majestic.
It would be well if they were to hear the discourse of some painters, or any other person that has entered into the exquisite taste of the ancients. Let their minds be elevated ever so little above the prejudion of fashion, and they will quickly hold in contempt those methods of torturing the hair into unnatural curls, in which there is neither grace nor elegance.
I am sensible we are not to propose they should copy the garb of antiquity: that would be an extravagant thing; but they may, without singularity, adopt the taste of simplicity in dress, so noble, so graceful, and so suitable to the decent manners of Christians; so that while they outwardly conform to the present custom, they might at least learn how to think of it: they would fall in with the fashion as a disagreeable obligation, and allow no more to it than they cannot well avoid. Teach them early and frequently to observe the vanity, the gidiness, whence the inconstancy of fashion arises. That it is a matter very ill understood, appears plainly when we see persons encumber their heads with a load of ornaments: true elegance follows nature, and never constrains her.
But fashion destroys itself; pretends to aim at perfection, and never hits it: at least it will not stop there. Some reason there would be in changing, in order to change no more, after having once found what is perfectly commodious and genteel; but to go on changing without end, surely this is to pursue inconstancy and irregularity, not genuine politeness, nor good taste.
And so in general mere caprice predominates— ’tis the women’s prerogative to decide in this matter. Thus the lightest, the shallowest understanding, influences all others: they neither take up, nor quit any thing upon reason. It has been the mode for a considerable time, though never so well invented, that’s enough to discard it; and another, though never so ridiculous, shall take its place, and be admired by its title to novelty.
After having laid this ground-work, we may go farther, and shew the regulations of Christian modesty:—and may say, we are taught by our religion, that man is conceived in sin; his body afflicted by a contagious illness, proves an inexhaustible source of temptation to his soul. Jesus Christ teaches us to place all our virtue in fear, and in distrust of ourselves—would you be willing, one may ask, to hazard your own soul, or your neighbour’s, for the sake of a foolish vanity? Be terrified then at the thought of displaying the uncovered bosom, and every other immodesty.—Though these faults were committed without design, still they are the result of vanity, and an unbridled desire of pleasing. Can this be a justification before God or man for so rash a conduct; so scandalous, so contagious to others? This blind desire of pleasing doth it suit with the mind of a Christian, who ought to regard as a species of idolatry every thing that turns us away from the love of the Creator, and, in comparison with him, the contempt of the creatures?
In seeking to please what mean we? Is it not to excite the passions of mankind? and have they so much power over them as shall restrain them from going to excess? Ought we not to impute to ourselves all the consequences? and do they not always run too high if once put in motion?
It is you that prepare a subtle and mortal poison, pour it out upon the spectators, and believe yourself innocent.
Add to this argument, examples of persons whose modesty has been their commendation; and others whose immodesty has drawn upon them the severest censures.
Never suffer them to wear what is beyond their rank. Check all their fancies—shew them the danger, the contempt they are exposed to from all persons of discretion, when they in this manner forget who they are.
Another article remains, with regard to girls of a fine genius, which is, to bring them into a right way of thinking; for if we do not take care, they, in their vivacity, are apt to intermeddle, to talk on most things, to give their opinion on subjects disproportioned to their capacity: at other times to affect a listlesness out of pure delicacy.
A young lady should not talk but as occasion requires, and then with an air of doubt and deference: nay, as to subjects out of the reach of women in general, she should not speak upon them at all, though well informed. For what if her memory be never so good? what if she has vivacity, a pleasant turn of speech, a faculty of conversing with ease and gracefulness? all these qualities will be in common to her, and many others of her sex, far from being sensible women, and in themselves despicable. Instead of this, let her endeavour after an exact and steady conduct, an uniform and correct state of mind: let her learn how to keep council, and carry on an affair of moment: this quality, so rare to be found, will sufficiently distinguish her.
As to delicacy, and the affectation of listlesness, these are to be repressed by demonstrating how true good taste consists in accommodating oneself to things according to their utility.
Good sense and virtue alone are worthy of estimation; and both these require of us to look upon dislike and listlesnesness not as a commendable delicacy, but as the infirmity of a sickly mind.
Seeing we must converse with gross understandings, and have a share in unentertaining businesses, it is the part of reason, which is the only true delicacy, to be as unrefined as those we are to mingle with.
A spirit which hath all the taste for politeness, but which knows to rise above it upon a necessity to enter into more solid matters, is infinitely superior to those so delicate ones, and surcharged with their own disgust.
In the next place let us proceed to the consideration of those many articles with which a married woman ought to be acquainted: what are her duties? Upon her lies the education of her children; of the boys to a certain age, of the girls till they be married; the government of her domestics, their morals, their service; the disbursements of house-keeping, the method of living with oeconomy, and at the same time in figure; often even the letting of farms, and receiving rents. Women’s knowledge, and that of men’s also, ought to be limited by their functions, and the difference of them ought to make the difference of their studies: by this rule then the subjects above-mentioned will be the bounds of female information; but at this rate, a woman of curiosity will be apt to think it put under great restraints. She deceives herself, and all for want of perceiving the importance and extent of the things I propose for her to learn.
What degree of penetration is requisite for her to discern the temper, the genius of every particular child; to fall upon a method of conduct towards each that shall best discover their humour, their biass, and their talents; to check the passions on their first disclosure; to instil wholesome maxims, and remedy every error. How much prudence ought she to be mistress of, for gaining and maintaining an ascendency over them, without risquing the loss of friendship and confidence? Nay, is it not absolutely necessary for her to observe and thoroughly know the persons she places about her children? Most certainly. A mother of a family ought to be fully instructed in religion, endowed with an understanding sound, steady, assiduous, and exercised in government.
Can any one doubt of these duties being incumbent on women, seeing they naturally fall to their share even in the life-time of their husbands, when otherwise employed or absent from home? and to a state of widowhood they are more immediately annexed.
Here I omit to enter into all the particulars a woman should be instructed in for the purpose of education; because this hint may serve to give them a notion in general of the extensive knowledge they ought to have. Add to this, family oeconomy. The generality of ladies look upon that as a mean employment, only fit for country people and farmers, or, at most, for a house-steward or woman housekeeper; and these more especially who are bred up in softness, plenty, and idleness, hold every branch of it in the utmost contempt.
These conceive very little difference between a life in the country and the life of the savages of Canada. Talk to them of corn, of cultivation, of the nature of estates, or rents, or rights of lordships, of the best way of letting land, or appointing receivers, they will believe you are for having them degrade themselves:—and yet this proceeds from pure ignorance. The ancient Greeks and the Romans, those adroit and polished people, applied themselves diligently to this science of oeconomy. The noblest among them wrote books (which are still preserved to us) upon their own experience, and descended even to the lowest articles of husbandry.
It is a known fact that their victorious generals disdained not to work with their own hands, and from the triumphal car returned to the plough.
This is so distant from our manner, that it would not be credited did history leave the least room to doubt. Whereas what more natural reason is there for our defending or enlarging our territories than in order to cultivate them in peace? Of what service is victory but to gather the fruits of peace?
After all, true solidity of understanding consists in a willingness to be exactly informed how all those things are managed, which are the substantials of human life; for upon these the very greatest affairs are grounded.
The power and the felicity of a state consists not in a multitude of provinces ill cultivated; but in the knowing to raise from its possessions a sufficency to maintain, without difficulty, a numerous people.
To attain a knowledge of every art applicable to oeconomy, to regulate the sum of all the affairs of a family, which may be stiled a small republic,, requires, undoubtedly, much higher genius, and more extensive, than to understand play, or to descant on the fashions, or to exert all the minute gentilities of conversation. It is but a despicable spirit that can do no more than discourse well. Women there are in numbers whose talk abounds with solid maxims; but in whose conduct, for want of early application, nothing but the frivolous is to be found.
Nevertheless, we must be on our guard against the opposite fault; women run a risque of going into extremes. It is good to use them from their childhood to have something under their care, to keep accounts, to know the method of buying, and how every thing ought to be made, to be useful; yet I say, take care lest oeconomy should degenerate into avarice; be particular in shewing the ridiculousness of that passion; tell them to be cautious, for avarice produces but little profit, and much dishonour. A rational mind need carry a frugal and diligent scheme of life no farther than to avoid that shame and injustice which are ever annexed to a prodigal, ruinous conduct. The true end of retrenching superfluous expence, is to be in a better capacity to answer all the calls of decency, friendship, and charity.
There are occasions when the parting with money is being a greater gainer. Good order is the profitable thing, and not a few petty articles of sordid penuriousness—wherefore fail not to paint in strong colours that gross mistake of some ladies, who can please themselves with saving a taper, and let a steward wrong them in the bulk of their affairs.
Be no less a friend to neatness and order, than to oeconomy and housewifery: use young ladies not to permit any sluttishness, or misplacing of things about the house, or furniture; and bring them to observe that nothing contributes more to oeconomy and neatness than every thing being in its proper station: as minute as this maxim seems, it will have considerable effects if strictly kept to. Is any thing wanted? no time’s wasted in looking for it; no trouble, dispute, or disturbance ensues: you take it from its place, make use of it, and replace it again.
Order is a principal branch of neatness; because a proper arrangement affects the eye forcibly; and besides, the place assigned to each being that which is most suitble to it, not only for pleasing the eye, but for the preservation of the thing, it is therefore less liable to decay, less liable to accidental damage, and even shews a propriety in its being there.
The same spirit of accuracy, which prompts to orderliness, prompts also to cleanliness. To which advantage add, that such a habit prevents idleness and confusion in our domestics: and more than this, as it makes them ready in the discharge of their duties, so doth it keep us clear of the temptation to impatience at the delays which must happen, when the things we call for can hardly be found. But at the same time avoid running into an excess of elegance and nicety. Nicety in moderation is a virtue; but when we carry our taste to too great a height, it becomes narrowness of mind; for good taste rejects extream delicacy: it treats little matters as they are, and will not be affected by them. Therefore shew, in the children’s presence, your derision of those fopperies some women are so fond of, and by which they are insensibly drawn into useless expences.
Accustom them to a plain and practicable niceness. You may inform them how every thing ought to be done; but still further, that they ought to be easy without it—for what a squeamish mind does it betray to grumble if a soop fails of being exactly seasoned, another thing ill pleated, a chair a little too high or too low? Undoubtedly it is an evidence of a much better understanding to be designedly indifferent, rather than delicate in matters so insignificant.
And this faulty delicacy, if not repressed in women of lively parts, has worse effects with regard to their conversation than other subjects; for to them the generality of company will seem so flat, and so tiresome, and the least slip in politeness so monstrous, they are always full of scorn and disgust. Let these ladies know betimes, that nothing is so injudicious as to judge superficially of a person by his carriage, without sounding the depth of his understanding, his sentiments, or useful qualifications. Demonstrate, by frequent instances, how much a country gentleman, with his coarse manners, or, if you please, ridiculous teazing civility; but with a good heart, and steady head, is more worthy of esteem than the most accomplished courtier, who, under that behaviour, conceals a heart ungrateful, unjust, and capable of every sort of dissimulation and baseness: and that there is always a weakness adherent to those minds so given to be fatigued and disgusted—No kind of conversation is so poor that some good may not be extracted from it; and though we are in the right to chuse the best, when we have choice, yet one consolation is left us when distrest, that we may put people upon discoursing of what they know; and then good sense will draw information from the dullest company.