Indirect Instructions, and that Children ought not to be urged.
NOW, though we ought not to make a practice of threatning and never punishing, lest our threats become contemptible, yet should not punishment be as often inflicted as threatned; and as to punishments, the pain ought to be as light as possible, but accompanied with all circumstances that may affect the child with shame and remorse; for instance, shew him what you have done to avoid coming to that extremity; appear concerned at it; speak in his hearing of the misfortune of people that are so wanting in reason and honour as to call for punishment; abate of your usual kindness, till you perceive he stands in need of consolation: let the punishment be either public or private, as you shall judge it most for his benefit, either to put him to great shame, or to let him see that you choose to spare him: let a public exposure be in reserve for the last remedy.
Sometimes make use of a discreet person to comfort the child, and say such things to him as will not be proper for yourself to speak; one that may cure him of that false shame, and dispose him to seek your favour; one to whom he may in his concern open his heart with more freedom than he can do in your presence: but above all, let it never appear that you require aught more than the necessary submission; so endeavour to manage that he shall condemn himself, readily and freely, insomuch that it may be your part to mollify the pain he shall have felt: these general rules may be employed as each particular case requires. Men, and more especially, children, are not at all times the same; what is good for them to-day, will be dangerous to morrow: a conduct invariably uniform cannot be useful. The fewer formal lessons we make use of the better; a thousand instructions more beneficial than what lessons afford, may be insinuated by the means of sprightly conversation.
I have seen several children learn to read in diverting themselves; one need only relate some pleasant stories out of a book in their presence, to teach them to know the letters insensibly: after this they will of themselves be eager to get at the source of what has given them so much entertainment. There are two things which do great mischief; one is, that they must presently be put to read in Latin, which robs them of all the pleasure of reading; the other, that they are used to read with a forced and ridiculous emphasis, or accent. It will be right to supply them with a book handsomely bound, even gilt on the edges, with pretty figures in it, and of a good type. Whatever delights the fancy, is an assistance to study: endeavour to choose him one that shall contain a number of stories, short and surprising; this done, fear not but he will learn to read. Neither teaze him to do it exactly well: let him pronounce in his natural way as he speaks, other tones are always bad, and taste of collegiate declamation. When in time, his tongue shall be at liberty, his breast stronger, and the habit of reading more enlarged, he will perform it without trouble to himself, more gracefully, and more distinctly.
They should be taught to write nearly after the same method. When children know a little how to read, one may make it a diversion to them to form their letters, and where there are several of them, it is good to stir up an emulation: they have a propensity to making figures upon paper; assist this inclination a little, without constraining them, and they will learn to form the letters by way of play, and by degrees come to write. One may also incite them, by proposing some kind of reward that shall be agreeable to their taste, and innocent in its nature.
Let me see you write a letter, one may say; acquaint your brother or your cousin with that affair. All this pleases the child, provided no frightful appearance of a set task comes to molest him. St. Austin says, upon his own experience, that a free curiosity allowed, is a much greater incitement to the spirit of a child than formal rules and compulsion derived from fear.
There is one remarkable and great fault in the course of common education; that is, all the pleasure is supposed to lie on one side, all the pain on the other; in study all the pain, in diversion all the pleasure. What will a child naturally do but be impatient under the prescribed rule, and run eagerly to his diversion? therefore let us try to change the order of these things, and make application agreeable under the disguise of liberty and pleasure: let us suffer them to break off in little sallies of play. These interruptions are necessary in order to refresh their minds; let their eyes wander a while; let them digress or trifle a little to disencumber themselves, and after that we may gently bring them back to the subject.
To require an uninterupted application to their studies does them a great deal of mischief: it is common for governors to affect this exact regularity, because it is more for their ease and conveniency than to be obliged to lie in watch for the more serviceable moments. At the same time, whatever diversions we allow them, let us see they are such as have not the least tendency to throw them into passions; whatever will refresh the mind, or afford an agreeable variety, or please their curiosity in useful subjects, or practise their limbs in any commendable art, that is the proper matter of children’s diversions; and they are best pleased with such as consist of bodily motion, so they do but change place, a shuttle-cock, a bowl, is enough. Neither need we be at much trouble about what will please them, for they will invent for themselves. It is sufficient to let them proceed their own way, to look on with a pleasant countenance, and to interpose when they seem to grow too warm.
It would be good to give them a notion, so far as they will receive it, of the pleasures which the understanding affords, as conversation, news, histories, and divers games of application that contain some instruction, All this will have its use in time; but we must not force a taste for these things: we must only make them the offer; the time will come when their bodies will be less disposed to motion, their minds more active. In the mean time the care we shall take care to season employments of a serious nature with the relish of pleasure, will be a great means to abate the propensity of youth to dangerous entertainments. It is subjection and uneasiness that excite such an impatience for diversion; where a girl is not uneasy in her mother’s presence she will have no such violent desire to get away, and look out for worse company.
As to the choice of diversions, all society capable of doing harm is to be avoided. No boys among girls, nor even girls that have not an orderly turn of mind. All plays that are apt to dissipate or transport the thoughts, or that accustom the body to gestures unbecoming a girl; all frequent excursions from home, and all conversations likely to excite a desire of such excursions, are to be avoided carefully.
So long as we continue unprejudiced by any high entertainment, so long as no violent passions have sprung up in us, we are easily susceptible of delight. Health and innocence will produce it; for they are true sources of it: whereas, they who have unfortunately been habituated to the perceptions of violent pleasures, lose the sense for more moderate ones, and fret themselves in a perpetual uneasy search after joy.
Our taste for entertainment is spoiled, as is our taste for victuals; we so accustom ourselves to things of a quick relish, that ordinary meats and plain, become flat and insipid. Let us then be fearful of those strong sensations which are but preparations to uneasiness and disgust; they are more especially to be feared for children, who are less able to resist what they feel, and love to be affected: let us keep them in the taste for plain things, no high seasoned food for their support, nor entertainments for their delight. Sobriety itself ever bestows sufficient appetite, without the provocation of sauces, which betray us to intemperance. A certain antient hath said, The very best artificer of pleasure is temperance; that temperance which is the health both of body and mind, under whose influence we feel ourselves in a state of gentle and moderate delight, without wanting the contrivance of machinery, or public shows, or expence for its production. A game of our own invention, a book, some task undertaken, a pleasant walk, an innocent conversation, as a refreshment after we have been employed, afford a more pure perception of delight than the finest concert of musick.
[To be continued.]
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